Why?
by ZoeLouise-x
Summary: My feelings, on everything.


_Why?_

Why is it that every time I get close to something or someone it leaves me? It doesn't matter what it is, from friends, to family to pets. I don't really know my dads side of the family so that wouldn't count. I was a bridesmaid for my auntie though, my dads sister. It's turn out to be a little to bittersweet, she's now gone from my life too. My mother and father have no contact with her so I never get to see the cousin I have only seen once. That one time would be in passing as she met us all in town to hand me my birthday present. Amy my little cousin was only a few months old, now she's going on 4 maybe 5 I think. See I don't even know her age. You get my meaning people I love leave me, or they're pushed away so that I have no contact with them.

My second reason would be my Grandad on my mothers side of the family. He died at the turn of 2008. My father despised him, and forbid us to see him. Again pushed out of my life. But before he died me and my mother made him a promise that he would see Kate my sister. We kept that promise and he got what he wished for. He seen her. My father still doesn't know and I'll never tell him it's a secret I will take to the grave with me. But yet again why did my Grandad leave. I needed him in my life then and I need him in it now.

My dad doesn't speak to his parents as well as his sister. He cut all ties he has with them therefore I never see them. They never know what to buy us for Christmas anymore because they don't know us. Because he didn't want them in his life there not in mine. Again someone who I love that has been taken from me.

Then there's my old dogs. They were beautiful and I had them since I was small. People say that death gets easier but it never does. I've never come to terms with them leaving me. Ben left before his time. He had a malignant tumour if I remember correctly and had to be put to sleep. His sister left because my dad got to greedy for his own good and got another dog, by this time we had Betsy and Simba. The dog we got was Simba's brother. We got told we couldn't keep all three dogs and we had to let one go. That being Betsy. There was nothing wrong with her and she still would have been here to this day, but my dad put it down to old age. I can never forgive him for that ever. Never until the day I die will I forgive him for taking her from me. He didn't even have the decency to bring her home to rest.

The most recent thing would be that Simba had mouth cancer. And just the other Friday 16/10/09 he too left my life for good. I got the call from the vet asking for my mother. So as any good daughter would I gave her my mothers mobile number. I thought it was a big mistake once I saw my mom come home in floods of tears. I was standing at the time and I sunk to the floor crying and begging for them to bring him home. I wanted this time to be different from Betsy I wanted him to come home for a place of rest. I sat over and over again crying and wishing I could turn back time. The ironic thing is I had spent the last day he had alive with him playing around in the kitchen. The same thing with Betsy, before she went I sat with her and told her how much I loved her. She seemed to understand me. You know? I got my wish for Simba to be brought home and now he's buried at the top of our garden. Where he can rest in piece forever.

Thing is with all of these different accounts. They have one they in common. I love them all and then they're taken from me. It makes me think I've done something wrong and I'm getting paid a long and torturous message.

All I want to know is why does everyone I love leave me? What have I done. Because of this it's made me scared to love anyone or anything knowing that if i get close it'll leave me.

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Everything in this is a true account of my life. So please criticisms aren't welcome. This isn't a story it's my feelings. But please if you want to say something about it please write it in the review box.

Love Zoe x

P.S I added this to Mediator because it's my favourite series of all time.


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